Al Gore: An Inconvenient Annoyance

I’m not sure when my utter contempt for the former Vice President started. There wasn’t some defining moment that cemented my malice for all time. All I know is that I can’t stand Al Gore. Don’t bring him up around me if you’re a fan because I don’t have anything good to say and one thing I know for certain is that I loathe Al Gore. If you like Al Gore, screw you. That’s right, I said it. I’ve drawn the line in the sand, pick a side and lets battle.

Al Gore did not invent the internet.

During an interview Al Gore informed the interviewer that he was on a sub committee that helped invent the internet. Now, he has already gone back and admitted that he was mistaken and did not mean to imply that he did invent the internet. I don’t buy it though. I think that Al Gore was in his green room getting ready one day when he decided that people really like the internet, and in an appearance to seem young and hip he decided to hitch his wagon to that star and see what kind of ride he can get out of it.

An inconvenient truth is the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

When I was in high school Al Gore decided to unleash his movie on the world, if you can even really call it a movie. It’s a glorified slide show and it looks like he put it together in iMovie. I’m not here to debate the cinematic qualities of the film though. Plenty of people seemed to like all the shots of Al just staring off into the distance and talking about carbon credits. What really gets me about the movie is the big fuss that he made about the damn Polar Bears. I’ll give you a real inconvenient truth Al Gore. If my kid grows up and never sees a Polar Bear that doesn’t affect my life at all, not one bit. In fact never in my own existence have I thought “thank God that there’s Polar Bears in the world. I would have been really screwed if they weren’t around.” If the Polar Bears really do go extinct (which they wont) the only possible thing I see happening is Coca-Cola picking a new mascot to sell soda. So screw Polar Bears, I hope they die out. People complain about baby seals getting killed anyway. If there aren’t any more Polar Bears then there will be more baby seals.

What the hell happened to Al Gore’s teeth.

I know that it’s not good to be overly superficial in life. Sometimes nature, combined with overly shallow gene pools, produces incredibly homely things. Crooked teeth is not something to be ashamed of. Almost everyone ends up needing some kind of orthodontic work. My own brother and mother both had braces and I like of them just fine. That being said Al Gore has messed up teeth. There was a time in this world when there was not a solution to having crooked teeth, but that time has passed. I also know that not everyone can afford to fix their teeth, and that’s okay. However, Al Gore is rich. There is no excuse for him not to get that messed up grill taken care of. He was a public official. He knew that he was gonna be in front of a camera. He knows he has messed up teeth. He should have taken care of it. His solution though, never show his teeth when he smiles. Google Al Gore. If you do, you will have a hard time finding a picture of him smiling and showing his teeth. He keeps those lips carefully curled around those hideous ivories. That says a lot about a person’s character if you ask me, and none of it’s good.

The lesson learned here is that Al Gore is an idiot. He can whine and complain all he wants about the environment. I do not care at all. In fact, on Earth Day I turn all the lights in my house on and then leave. That’s right. Take that Al.