The Sarah Palin Chronicles

I try and get to the gym at least five or six times a week. (I am currently working on a separate post about my gym “adventures”) The gym I go to is close to my home and there are several TV’s, mainly in the cardio section. I go to the gym in the afternoon, and the same three programs are playing every time I go in. Two of the televisions play Days of our Lives. One of them is tuned to ESPN Sports center, and the final TV is tuned to Fox News. Now, I don’t know who is in charge of the programming selection. I personally don’t wanna try read paragraph after paragraph of Sean Hannity telling me that Socialists and terrorists have invaded the country. I watch 24 for that. However, while I was in the gym today, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin was doing an interview. Thankfully, the volume was off. I was staring at her overly shaped eye brows I re-realized that I can’t stand Sarah Palin.

Why does she think anyone cares what she has to say?

If you are unfamiliar with Sarah Palin I will fill you in. She was governor of Alaska and a vice-presidential candidate in the 2008 election. Since her failure to become Vice President she has stayed active in politics, becoming an outspoken supporter of the Tea Party Movement. There were even a fair amount of support for her to try and run for President in the 2012 election. If you like Sarah Palin, I feel sorry for you. More over, if you are a Palin Supporter I’m going to give you a little spoiler alert and let you know that you should stop reading now, because it’s gonna get ugly.

Sarah Palin isn’t even a one term governor. She resigned from office before she even finished her first term. The only reason that John McCain brought her on to the ticket was because she wasn’t as disgustingly unattractive as Nancy Pelosi, and he was trying to prove that the GOP isn’t filled with misogynistic bigots. My point being is that Sarah Palin’s only real political contribution is being a governor of Alaska. Woh-who. How many people even live in Alaska? There’s like 400 Eskimos and a handful of white people who “just love the outdoors.” Alaska is only a part of the United States on a technicality. If it wasn’t for ANWR we would have given Alaska away to the first country dumb enough to take it.

Palin’s Alaska 

Sarah Palin has been trying to convince everyone to take her seriously ever since John McCain brought her on to his ticket. What’s the best way to convince America and the rest of the world that you deserve to be taken seriously? If you answered quit your job and star in your own reality television show, congratulations, you’re just as stupid as Palin.

Sarah Palin’s Alaska was a reality television show aired on TLC in late 2010. The aim of the show was to show the world the wonders of Alaska. What it turned out to be was a televised tourist exposition with Palin and her red neck family. All it really proved to me is that Sarah Palin is absolutely insane, and she apparently isn’t capable of giving any of her children normal names. Sarah Palin’s children’s names are: Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. Seriously? Those sound like the names of extras from The Jersey Shore. Speaking of The Jersey Shore. If you showed me an episode of  Sarah Palin’s Alaska and then an episode of The Jersey Shore and then you asked which one of those two casts was more qualified to run America I honestly don’t know what I would say.

Bristol Palin is not hot

With the advent of people actually knowing who Sarah Palin, America was forced to have to listen to mindless drivel about her family. It wasn’t long after they were first seen in public that every one was talking about how hot Bristol Palin is. I don’t care who says it, Bristol Palin is not that attractive. If your definition of hot is someone who looks decently attractive and manages to get knocked up at 18 and then writes a memoir two years later, then by all means fall in love with Bristol. You can have her.

In summation, I just plain don’t like Sarah Palin. Sorry Tea Party.


America needs a new pass time


Baseball, it’s the American pass time. There isn’t a place in the country that you can go where you won’t find at least one Baseball. It’s a tradition, like fireworks on the fourth of July or childhood obesity. Whether you’ve only watched games occasionally on television or you’ve been to every battle of the bay since you were seven, Baseball is everywhere. I myself have been to a few San Francisco Giant’s games in my day. Baseball is here to stay and honestly, that is horrifying.

Baseball is one of the single worst sports in existence. The only thing that makes it worse is that everyone in this country demands that people respect the “American Pass time.” The thing is though, I don’t care what everyone else selling, I’m not buying. I have never felt more cheated and dismayed in my life as the time I spent sitting inside AT&T park. There aren’t enough overpriced hot dogs in the world to make a Baseball game enjoyable. The honest truth of the matter is: Baseball sucks.

I attended a small university that didn’t have much in the way of sports teams, and what few teams it did have were utterly terrible. That being said one of the sports was Men’s Baseball. Now, the “Baseball Boys” as they liked to call themselves, liked to tell anyone who would listen, and even some that wouldn’t, how great Baseball was. Baseball players, and Baseball fans, will always start off with saying that hitting a Baseball thrown by a pitcher in the major leagues is the hardest things to do in sports, which is ironic because sitting through five hours of a Baseball game is the single hardest thing to do as a fan in sports.

I know that a lot of people who are reading this are probably thinking that I am wrong and think that Baseball is a great sport and should remain the American pass time. That’s fine. I can’t change anyone’s mind. I personally think the rest of the world should think like me but, then again, that’s just my opinion. However, I would like to give one final point to my argument that Baseball blows: Baseball is the only game where the fans are doing the exact same thing as the players.

Think about it, every Baseball game I’ve ever seen consists of the following: 1. Pitcher throws the ball, the batter either hit’s it or he doesn’t, and everyone else watches. 2. The batter makes contact, one guy catches the ball, and everyone else watches him do it. 3. The batter makes contact, the ball drops to the ground, someone picks it up and throws it to someone else, and everyone else watches. 4. The batter makes contact, the ball goes over the fence, everyone watches him jog around the bases.

Now, did you notice a pattern? If you didn’t notice, it’s that everyone just stands around and watches other people do stuff. The problem with Baseball is that everyone just stands around and waits for the ball to come to them. Now what are the fans doing while the game is going on? Well, between trips to the bathroom, concession stand, and getting into fights, people are watching the players, but there’s something else people are doing. They are wearing gloves and waiting for someone to hit the ball to them. Catching a pop fly at a Baseball game is the only thing sweeter than getting on the Jumbo Tron, mostly cause if you catch the ball you get on the Jumbo Tron anyway. In essence, the fans are doing the exact same thing that the paid professionals are doing. They are waiting around for someone to hit them the ball, and in the mean time they are watching other people play the game.

People will more than likely argue that my analysis of Baseball is simplistic. While that may be true,  it doesn’t change the fact that no other major professional sport that I have ever heard of has players and fans doing the exact same thing. I can’t go to a Laker game and even possibly entertain the idea that Kobe will pass me the rock and I’ll get to drive it to the hole, although if it’s a Pacers vs. Piston’s game I may get to get punched in the face by Ron Artest. (Which consequently, Ron Artest’s fight with fans at that game may be one of the greatest moments in sports history.) Tiger Woods isn’t handing the 3 wood off to me on the seventh hole. Normal, legitimate, sports don’t allow for fan participation.

In summation, Baseball may have been a good enough pass time for the twentieth century, but times have changed. America is in desperate need of a new pass time, one that doesn’t involve grown men standing around for someone to hit a ball in their direction. I don’t know what can take the place of Baseball. I suppose strong arguments could be made for both Basketball and Football. To be honest though, I don’t care what replaces Baseball. I just want Baseball to die.